Sometimes I’m “Tired” of My Kids and THAT'S OKAY.
Being a mother is hard, REALLY hard sometimes. It is hard on you mentally, physically and emotionally. Especially if you are a first-time mother or a mom of multiples who are at an age where they’re not entirely self-sufficient.
From the outside looking in motherhood looks easy breezy lemon squeezy. It seems like it’s only full of laughter, giggles and cute moments. That’s because people never really share or express with you the “bad” moments. The moments where they are tired, stressed or fed up with being a mother at the moment.
The reason mothers tend to hide those moments are the fear of being shamed by other mothers (fathers) or the everso shameful-full-of-opinion-on-parenthood #teamnokids group. There is also a self-shame feeling like you’ve been defeated by motherhood when you have those types of moments. Which is another reason some mothers tend to keep their “negative” thoughts in. Without realizing that they are not alone at all. There is a WHOLE community of us who feel the same way at times.
I am a mother to three boys ages eleven months, four, and six. So it’s needless to say that they aren’t or near close to being 100% self-sufficient. Therefore, I find every moment of my day catering to their every need. Along with that, I have a house to maintain, even with the help of my partner (and he is a BIG help) I still find it all to be a bit overwhelming at times. Especially when I have my businesses to focus on, like this fantastic blog amongst others.
Every day I focus more on everyone else, my kids, house, and clients to where I put myself on the back burner. Putting myself on the back burner causes me to become irritable at the smallest of things at times. To where I grow tired of my responsibility to other people (including my kids) and need a BREAK for a moment.
I know you’re thinking well what are the kids doing?
Kids are kids. They are naturally needy, ask for everything under the sun, do things they’re not supposed to and BICKER over everything. My four and six years old will fight, tattletale and cry over any and everything in this house. My eleven-month-old does normal infant things, cry when he’s hungry, tired and when he wants something he can’t have. Things like not being allowed to chew on my phone charger. *insert eye roll*
With days/weeks full of crying, bickering, and needy-ness I become TIREDDD of my children and their shit. Tired of tending to them, tired of hearing them cry/fight, tired of not having one moment or hour to myself to not have to worry about anyone but myself. So yes sometimes I’m tired of my kids, and THAT’S OKAY.
When I say "tired of my kids" I don't mean them as individuals or personally it's the things that they do, the responsibility of them. The reality of little beings, their needs, and emotions become overwhelming at times. It's just easier to say "tired of my kids" than to explain it in full and I am super unapologetic to how I say it. So if it bothers you that I say “tired of my kids” instead of “tired of my motherly responsibilities, their emotions and natural kid behaviors that I “shouldn’t” be annoyed by but I am because I am human and we become tired of things it’s natural” your bad, I said what I said and how I said it. Moving along…
Now, will I express to them how "tired of them I am" no way. I will say it in a more endearing way like "want to go to Nana's house for the weekend?" or "TT (auntie) Sades is about to come and pick you guys up and take you somewhere for a few hours." They're usually excited because they love their extended family, and I am excited because I get a BREAK. Win-Win. Going to the extreme and saying I am tired of them is harsh and quite frankly I believe that sometimes my kids become tired of me as well. So it’s a break we ALL need.
Okay but ummmm…. how can you become tired of your kids?
As humans, we become tired of things. We become tired of our jobs that one friend, our co-workers the list can go on. But the moment we complain about our child who we brought into this world we are deemed as bad parents, tuh. Then here come people with their comments “well why did you have kids if you want to be selfish” “why did you KEEP having kids if you knew they were hard” or my favorite “should’ve used protection.”
Being tired of my kids are moments, not reality. As humans, we all need “breaks” just like you need a break from your workplace. Just like a job, kids are just as demanding and mentally draining. The only thing is it’s a 24/7 around the clock responsibility. Not a Monday-Friday 9-5. So the next time you shame a mother from needed a break or being “tired” of her kids, DON’T. It doesn’t make her a bad mom, unfit parent or hateful, she just needs a moment to HERSELF.
It is okay to feel momentarily tired of your children and your duties as a mother. Pack your kid(s) up and send them off to the first trusted relative/friend you have and ENJOY not having to tend to them while you have the chance. Enjoy your break! Indulge in self-care even if it’s for a few hours or a whole weekend. Buy something. Eat your favorite snack uninterrupted. Stay in bed all day. Do what makes YOU happy. I know, after they leave you will miss your little crumb snatcher and count down the moments until they’re back, however, soak in the moment!
It is okay to need a short break. You are a hard working mom whether you are a stay at home mom or a working mother. Take care of yourself. Mentally. Physically. Get a break in and don’t feel bad for wanting or needing a short break from your motherly duties. Most (if not all) mothers have been there, it is completely normal and no you are not the only one that feels this way from time to time.
Needing a break from your children doesn’t mean you love them any less. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom or incapable for motherhood. It means thats you love them enough to take cake of YOU mentally so you can take care of them mentally, emotionally and physically. It means you are human and when you live your day to day catering to people YOU DESERVE a day, a few hours or even minutes to where you don’t have too.
All in all, motherhood is a beautiful, rewarding experience. I wouldn't change it for a thing in the world, and I love my kids dearly. Like we all know everything in life comes with cons. Being a parent means you give up your "freedom" and self-priority (to a certain extent). Parenthood comes with its many great days, and a few not so great. Just know most of us parents have been there, had bad days, and need moments to ourselves. Nothing is wrong with being momentarily "tired" of your children. Get that break in! Ship them little boogers off!
Disclaimer: If you are feeling beyond tired of your kids/motherhood and it’s deeper than just a moment and you begin to resent your children seek help, especially for new mothers. Reach out and let those around you know how you feel. Find a solution. Talk to a therapist. Postpartum depression or regular depression is REAL and more common than you know .