The Truth about Postpartum Intimacy

Let's be honest. Childbirth and adjusting to a new baby can be a complete mood killer. Even after the first six weeks, many moms remain not in the mood. Before writing this blog, I decided to read a few other articles on this topic to get some insight.  Every post I read stressed the importance of getting back to the romance for the sole purpose of preserving your relationship. Are you serious? Shouldn't your partner be understanding enough to know all that you're going through? I mean, he was there to witness it all.   It takes time to heal and rebalance yourself after childbirth my biggest advice is DON'T FORCE IT!



Emotionally you are DRAINED! From the moment you lay eyes on your little one, you go into full mommy mode, and it’s important that you stay in mommy mode for the first few weeks to adjust to your new role. This new role comes with an overflow of emotions, and it’s exhausting enough without pressure to get back to intimacy with your partner. 


During the phase of trying to get your groove back after birth, it is completely normal if your body and mind are not quite in sync. Do not feel guilty about something you can not control. Eventually, your drive will return. 


Dryness happens due to the decline of hormones your body no longer needs to sustain your pregnancy. The decrease in hormones can cause your private area to be dry and can make sex uncomfortable. 


You may feel engorged or very sore from babies latch and this can be very uncomfortable. For breastfeeding moms, it is very normal to experience milk ejaculation during an orgasm. Learned something new today, didn’t you? lol. It is also typical to experience leaking during sex in certain positions. All of this can make you self-conscious. Let’s be real who is in the mood when they aren't feeling very sexy. 


What is sleep to a new mom? The last thing you want to do is exert any more energy then what you already put out, and that’s ok. The only thing you want to do is lay in your bed and SLEEP before a little someone wakes you up in 5 seconds. Getting your rest is important your body heals the most when you are sleeping, and you need all the energy you can muster up. 


Okay, so the doctor says in 6-12 weeks depending on if you had a vaginal or C-section delivery however that does not mean you are fully ready to get back to business. Think about it; it took over 9months to have your baby do you think in 6 weeks you're fine. No way!


After having a baby for most of us The SnapBack isn’t real . Adjusting to your new body especially when it’s completely different from the body your used to is difficult. This new body can also cause a lack in sex drive. (Insecurities are normal for new moms! don't be to hard on yourself) 


The truth about postpartum intimacy is that it’s a really sucky time for most moms. We need support and encouragement during these weeks as we relearn ourselves and adjust to our parent role.  

What can I (spouse/significant other) do to help?  

  1. Don’t ask for sex! It’s simple. Every time you ask it just plays into our guilt and that doesn’t get us in the mood. 
  2. HELP! Assist in all the other household task like laundry, cooking, or cleaning.
  3. Be empathetic . We know you have no clue as to what’s going on or how we feel but be understanding to our changes, needs, and desires. 
  4. Have patience! This journey is new for us like it’s new for you and we don’t have all the answers right now.